Pity Party
August 02, 2003 11:00 pm

Yea, time for a pity party. I've been trying so hard not to have one but I'm just at that point. I know it'll get easier but right now, I just want to moan and not be told "it'll be okay" or whatever other words of wisdom people offer. Its not that I don't appreciate the kind thoughts (I truly do) but some times I just want to be in a bad mood and moan, 'ya know? Sometimes I just want to cry and be sad and feel sorry for myself and have that be alright. Anyway, back to the pity party, its just so quiet. I walk into the living room with a fleeting hope that I'll see Jim sitting there. Or into the bedroom with the same hope that I'll see him asleep in the bed. I was so sad tonight when I didn't have to get ready to go out for our standing Saturday-night date-night. Whenever we didn't have other plans, Jim and I always made Saturday night special. We'd both put on an outfit a little on the nicer side (even if just nicer shorts) and I'd always do my make-up and hair and then we'd go out for dinner and really make it feel like a date over just another thing married people do. After dinner we come home and spend some time cuddling on the couch. Jim would always put on some nice music and we'd lay on the couch and just cuddle. And then we'd turn on the TV and watch some while we cuddled and had dessert (I make a nice dessert every Saturday). I love our date-night and was so sad to not have it tonight. :( Saturdays are going to be the worst, I have a feeling. I guess I should say they'll be the worst next to my lonely feelings I often get on Sunday nights. I had plans last night and plans tomorrow, so that'll be nice. But I so desperately needed company tonight. So very much. I tried to make plans but no one was able to do anything. (Yeah, I understand that people have their own lives so its not that I hold it against anyone...just part of my pity party!! LOL) So tonight has been a tough one. But I've gotten through it! Luckily I have plans for several future Saturday nights. And on the nights I don't, I want to set up some kind of "ritual" to make Saturday night something I look forward to rather than dread. I think that'll really help me get through them. And I spoke with Jim tonight for a few minutes and that was wonderful!!! Even with it just being such a short call, it really helped pick me up for awhile. And now I'm off to go have a good cry and a good sleep, so I can wake up rejuvinated and without feeling the need to have a pity party. :)


previous + next + currently + archives + notes + image + design + host + other reads + guestbook