Life's a Dance

10 Years Come and Gone
2001-10-07 11:13 p.m.

10 years ago, the guy I was dating killed his parents...It would have been about this time that he entered their bedroom and began the act...I remember waking up the morning of the 8th. The phone rang really early. It never does. I could hear my mom talking. And then I heard her come in my room. She woke me up and told me what had happened. My uncle had heard it on the radio that morning, as he began his deliveries. The police said they didn't know where he was. He got worried since Chad was from my youth group. So he called my aunt, who called my mom. It was very surreal. I didn't really understand what she was saying. I heard the words but didn't get it. I had just talked to him the night before. Everything was normal, I thought. It felt normal. He sounded normal. He didn't sound as if he was going to be committing a double murder in a couple hours...

I got dressed and went to school. Most everyone from my youth group went to the same school. And we usually hung around together in the mornings. I walked to my locker and then headed upstairs...As I walked down the hallway, I saw everyone. We all had tears in our eyes. We hugged. Talked. Shared what we knew. Word began to spread of the tragic event. And then of our knowledge of the murderer. All day, we got stares and whispers. And questions. Very few people knew we were dating, as we had just gotten together. We gathered again for lunch. And cried and talked.

That night, there was supposed to be a surprise 16th birtday party for one of the members of our youth group. When I got home from school, mom had called and said we there would be a gathering for our youth group that night instead. I was supposed to be at my dad's that night. But I didn't go. The only time. I needed to be with my friends. And with my mommy. In typical fashion, I was the "strong one". I held friends as they cried. I listened. I was the voice of reason. I didn't grieve. And I wasn't about to let people see my weaknesses. As we gathered around, I remember looking around and wondering who else could kill. If the All-American, good-looking, smart, athletic kid from the midwest with two deeply devoted parents could kill his parents, any of us could. The ones with divorced parents. The ones who had been abused. The rape victim. The ones with the short tempers. I was so scared of myself. I was convinced I could lash out just as easily. But I couldn't tell them that. I was the cool, calm, collected one. After the gathering, the pastor thanked me for being so strong for the others. And that sealed my fate. I HAD to be the strong one.

For weeks, my evenings were spent on the phone with the other kids. Everyone called Tricia. Those that were strong for others came to me to be weak. I loved being there for everyone. It made me feel good. Still does. But I needed someone to be there for me. I found that in one of my friends from school. Although we had only known each other for a few months, he and I had become wonderful friends. And I found I could share with him. I told him of my new fear of the dark. Of being scared to wake up in the morning, for the unknown of what news I would hear. Of fearing the ringing phone. Of being suspicious of everyone I looked at. Of fearing that I could kill. At night, after I was off the phone with the others and homework was done, I would curl into bed and talk to him. We'd talk until I was almost asleep, because I couldn't handle that time between going to bed and falling asleep. That time when all is quiet and your mind wanders. I'd hang up and fall right into a night of restless sleep and bad dreams. I never shared that with my parents. They knew of my fear of the dark. But other than that, they thought I was handling it well. They still think that...

Chad was found a few days after the murder in Illinois. The fear was that he was headed to Colorado/Montana/Wyoming. He loved that area. And had a LOT of training in survival procedures. He could have easily survived out there for a long time without being found. And then he could have just come out of the forest and moved right back into society. So he was found. And brought back to Columbus. Charges were pressed. More of the story came out...after he had killed his parents, he had called one of his friends and told them. His friend told his parents, who called the police. Chad was already on the run. The police found his parents dead. It was determined that he had taken a baseball bat to his father first (probably b/c he knew his father was stronger, so he needed to be killed first, so he couldn't stop Chad). After he had beaten his father unconscious, he started on his mother. One of her arms was broken, so it was suspected that she had woken up and tried to defend herself with it. After he had beaten them both, he stabbed them over and over. Hearing the story, seeing their bodies in the body bags being removed from their house, seeing Chad's picture on the news...

I didn't go to the funeral or the viewing. I couldn't do it. I wanted to. I tried to. But I couldn't. I still regret that.

The trial had been set. Then it got delayed until January. A week before the trial, he pleaded guilty by reason of insanity. There would be no trial. We'd never know the story. The truth. He got 120-150 years. Six years later that was reduced by half. 60-75 years. With possibility of parole in 30 years. So in 20 more years, he could be released. He'd be 46. He was sent to the state penitentary, where he still is today.

I've learned that not everyone is as they seem to be. I'm not as suspicious of people as I once was. But I'm not as trusting as I was. My temper is better. I decided after this that I was going to have a better temper. I thought that a short temper could lead me to kill. I know now that a temper isn't waht caused him to kill. I still fear the dark some nights. And phone calls in the morning. I've learned the importance of friends. And of being strong. And having that one person that you can be weak with. And he's still that person for me. But most of all I learned to treasure each day because you never know what the dawn might bring...

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